A 'B' Road

by Half Bam Half Whisky

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1.
2.
Are you ready, are you ready? Are you ready, are you ready? Every gammon every ham Join the caravan of leave (Stand up) fuck off Stand up Every gammon every ham Join the caravan of leave (Stand up) fuck off Stand up If you wanna March to leave then just don't stop Keep on walking Over the Dover clifftops Get into the sea
3.
Epic protest march You're losing, you're losing, you're losing, you're losing your dignity You used to do lunch Enthusing, enthusing, enthusing over doilies, cakes and tea Now we're radicalised Farage has opened our eyes Even though he's not here Epic protest march Abusing, abusing, abusing your respectability By making a stand And choosing, and choosing and choosing indefatigability Now we've been empowered Our aloofness deflowered We're making a splash Oh we fought the war and the war won No peace for us, just destruction Goodbye to chanting and slogans We fought the war and the war won Now the ink on the pamphlets has faded And most of the activists jaded By years of seeing war feted Apathy's so over-rated Ladies who march You're boozing, you're boozing, you're boozing, you're boozing on G&T That might make you lurch And bruising, and bruising and bruising and bruising your sanity You could just end up knackered Drunk in charge of a placard So just turn it down Still I retain a soft spot For the can't and the will and the have not I just go marching when it's hot Now all of my placards have wood rot
4.
We're all making placards for Nigel We're marching cos we're mad as hell We're all wearing flat caps for Nigel Nigel's fucked off to a hotel And if our Nigel says he's happy He must be happy He must be happy He must be happy in his hotel We're all slavering fans of Nigel He has this thing about British steel We've hired a bus and vans for Nigel Nigel's room service makes him squeal Yeah And if he orders bent bannanas From British farmers In his pyjamas From the Bahamas, he's made up Nigel is never nervous He likes room service And saying up the workers too (in his room) Nigel is happy in his womb (in his room) We slipped him fifty quid for it too (his room) We're all making placards for Nigel We're marching cos we're mad as hell We're all wearing flat caps for Nigel Nigel's fucked off to a hotel And if our Nigel says he's happy He must be happy He must be happy He must be happy in his hotel
5.
I used to think we would be leaving the EU for sure And I couldn't wait for the day when we'd all wave Bonjour (naw - it's au revoir innit. Eh?) Now every time I put the telly on I just go radge They keep putting it off, right, I'm going on a march I'm walking with Farage (Wow!) It's only a few yards (Wow!) I'm walking with Farage (Wow!) Then jump on a bus Hey, alright now I used to think maybe you loved me, now I know it's true And while you're in The Hilton, I'll be out here in the cold waiting for you Now I don't want you back for the weekend Not back for a day, no no no I said baby I just want you back To walk all the way (Oh yeah now!) I'm walking with Farage (Wow!) It's only a few yards (Wow!) I'm walking with Farage (Wow!) Then jump on a bus Hey, alright now And don't it feel good (Yeah!) And don't it feel good
6.
Sensible shoes, people Sensible shoes We've got a lot of marching and protesting to do Sensible shoes, people Sensible shoes It will be nourising for our souls, so make sure your soles are new They told us that our hero has played his trump card He doesn't know how to go on We're clinging to his charm and determined smile But the good old days are gone The image and the empire may be falling apart The money has gotten scarce One man's word held the country together But the truth is getting fierce Sensible shoes, people Sensible shoes We pinned our hopes on May but she's ruining the news Sensible shoes, people Sensible shoes I think we're gonna get blisters,sisters Alter your vistas Oooh
7.
If one must protest, one must consult the clientele We're going to have to pack a punch and pack a lunch as well And if we want to be involved in the political arena We'll have to layer up and wear a thick pashmina Here comes Margo, Pru and Kirsty I've got a flask if anyone's thirsty Pret A Manger sandwiches are all very well But you really need something more substantial We don't want to work for the Yankee dollar I've picked up some frittatas from Valvona & Crolla Here comes Margo, Pru and Kirsty I've got a flask if anyone's thirsty What's your favourite filling Philomena? I love the provoleta straight from Argentina I've also heard that Sarah Beeny Adores the gorgonzola and zucchini Our assorted snacks and nibbles should settle our nerves We'll go to Brown's after the march but maybe skip hors d'oeuvres It's a teeny inconvenience but worth it to be seen Overthrowing coarse vulgarity and all points inbetween Here comes Margo, Pru and Kirsty I've got a flask if anyone's thirsty Here comes Margo, Pru and Kirsty I've got a flask if anyone's thirsty I've got a flask if anyone's thirsty I've got a flask if anyone's thirsty I've got a flask if anyone's thirsty
8.
We are the Village Green GPS Society God save Donald Trump, vaudeville and variety We are the Desperate Dan Appreciation Society Let's fit every knife with a tracking device yeah Preserving the old ways from being abused Rejecting the new ways and the EU What more can we do? We are the Draught Bill Preservation Society God save Meaningless votes and old Mother May Riley We are the Custard Pie Appreciation Consortium God save the George Cross and all those who were awarded them Preserving the old ways from being abused Rejecting the new ways and the EU What more can we do? We are the Sherlock Holmes English Speaking Vernacular Help save Rees Mogg, Moriarty, and Dracula We are the elite Persecution Affinity God save little shops, china cups and virginity We are the No Second Referendum Affiliates God save Tudor houses, antique tables, and billiards Preserving the old ways from being abused Rejecting the new ways and the EU What more can we do? We are the Village Green GPS Society God save Donald Trump, vaudeville and variety We are the Desperate Dan Appreciation Society God save strawberry jam and all the different varieties
9.
It's freezing like December Marching down a B road What to wear's a dilemma When it's this fucking cold I'm layered up, I can't give in It's hard to contain All this pumping adrenalin Surging round my brain Pullover or jumper, baby? What does that even mean Pullover or jumper,jersey? They're all the same to me Dress up, do it, Walk right through it Brexit's worth this Neck fits, perfect Look around at the throng, Where has Nigel gone? I've seen bigger crowds inside A doll's house phone box My sleeves are wet I'll roll them up To dry my tears upon, I think the wheels might have come off This rusting charabanc Pullover or jumper,baby? What does that even mean Pullover or jumper,jersey? They're all the same to me Pullover or jumper baby
10.
Mrs May Are you listening In the rain We are glistening A beautiful sight We're happy tonight Walking to London from Sunderland Though we may need our wellies We'll be all over your tellies The BBC Love to see us Walking to London from Sunderland On the way we can build a wickerman Then pretend he is John Bercow He'll say: Order! We'll say: No man And then we'll tell the country where to go Later on We'll conspire As we dream by the fire To face unafraid The plans that we've made Walking to London from Sunderland
11.
Mrs May Are you listening In the rain We are glistening A beautiful sight We're happy tonight Walking to London from Sunderland Though we may need our wellies We'll be all over your tellies The BBC Love to see us Walking to London from Sunderland On the way we can build a wickerman Then pretend he is John Bercow He'll say: Order! We'll say: No man And then we'll tell the country where to go Later on We'll conspire As we dream by the fire To face unafraid The plans that we've made Walking to London from Sunderland
12.
Don't park under my apple tree with your SUV With your SUV, with your SUV No! No! No! Just remember I pay my council tax so it's not free I'm NIMBY as I can be Don't go down to The Canny Man's with anyone else but me Anyone else but me, and have a G&T No! No! No! Don't go gentle into the Dominion if you value my opinion You must be true to me If you're of good stock, the Morningside Clock is where we'll meet dear After my sauna, the Holy Corner, then the Church Hill Theatre So, don't park under my apple tree with your SUV Unless you love me
13.
You keep saying you got something for us Something called Brexit but confess You just keep sayin' Brexit means Brexit And no-one knows what is coming next These boots won't get to Woking Never mind London Where the hell is Nigel Oh he's such a little cunt You keep hidin' when you oughta be marchin' You keep lying in your hotel bed You keep snorin' when you oughta be a'megaphonin' That's right, that's right, that's right ya get These boots won't get to Woking Never mind London Where the hell is Nigel Oh he's such a little cunt You keep playing where you shouldn't be playing And you keep thinking that you'll never get burnt (HAH) I just found me a brand new box of matches (YEAH) And I'm gonna set fire to your hotel curtains These boots won't get to Woking Never mind London Where the hell is Nigel Oh he's such a little cunt Are you ready, boots? Start kickin'

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released March 22, 2019

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Half Bam Half Whisky Edinburgh, UK

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