Ruth Is Stranger Than Richard

by Half Bam Half Whisky

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1.
Ruth is stranger than Richard But they'll both cling on to each other They don't think we can go it alone We must listen to mother Don't get ideas above your station You're a region, not a nation And if you want to ask me questions Don't ask me in the street You're all a pack of dogs Getting under my feet Ruth is stranger than Richard Ruth is stranger than Richard Leave us alone to froth in rage You had your chance now back in your cage If you only think in negatives, you'll never unwind Prejudice and bigotry are all in the mind My mind
2.
Well, my thirst to exercise my democratic right has been thwarted My local polling station is under intimidation I am taunted By shadowy figures And threatening liggers called Eric and Steven and Darren Otherwise known around these parts as the burly men of Annan Well I have to confess I was in a right mess I was anxious and fractious and fearful They shot me a glance I near wet my pants I was shaking and quaking and tearful Oh those shadowy figures And threatening liggers called Eric and Steven and Darren Otherwise known around these parts as the burly men of Annan I phoned my friend Ruth to tell her the truth so she could alert the nation She fired off a tweet to the cyber elite warning of the infestation I wiz worried aw jings But Ruthy said things could only get better together vote early avoiding those burly men in their Arran sweaters the gates were wrought iron not pearly their overall demeanour was surly chewing on a curly wurly those Annan men ever so burly In this land of sticks and carrots We're opening up the postal ballots With a crowbar, cos we can I'm the surly burly man.
3.
Keir Hardie He founded the Labour Party But they can't spell Hardie now It's embarassing It's not a hard one H.A.R.D.I.E Not Laurel and Hardy We're the kingss of the gaffe Don't you draw a cock and balls on the projector It'll be the talk of the conference It's all people will remember us for Now it seems to me some typos Are what's made us famous Do you remember genertaion from before? Keir Hardie What have we done to your party People are laughing Many not few Freedom, Ah freedom That's just some people talkin' You're prisoners walkin' Through this world all alone Is your spellchecker at fault here? Can you get your arses in gear? It's hard to tell the right From the left You're losin' all your highs and lows Ain't it funny how your members go away Desperadoes Why don't you come to your senses Come down from your fences Open the gate It's not a hard one But if you can't even spell your founder's name right You're gonna be in the shite You'd better let somebody love you Goodbye Labour Party H.A.R.D.Y. H.A.R.D.Y. H.A.R.D.Y. Labour's hardy They are H, hilarious They are A, atrocious They are R, ridiculous They are D, delirious Y, oh Y They are H, hamfisted They are A, archaic They are R, real riddies They are D, deluded Y, oh Y oh Y H.A.R.D.Y. (spell it) H.A.R.D.Y. Keir says goodbye Keir says goodbye
4.
Day Job 01:52
You! You should be doin yir day job You should be doin yir day job You should be doin yir day job, day job, day job Let's make a cake Fuck politics let's bake Fuck the day job, day job, day job Waoow! Do yir day job Now tell me do you Do you have any flour? Cos you'll never have power Do yir day job, day job, day job Day job, day job, day job Hypocrisy won't be forgotten When you've got a soggy bottom And tell that referee he's rotten Do yir day job, day job, day job wow You're a star faker Do yir day job You're a star faker Do yir day job You're a star faker Do yir day job You're a star faker Do yir day job Star faker Star faker
5.
Dickie 01:16
Oh Dickie Leonard won What the hell have you done, hey Dickie, hey Dickie Oh Dickie, all the best Hope you've got a bullet-proof vest, hey Dickie, hey Dickie Oh Dickie let's get rad, don't just say SNP Bad Hey Dickie, Hey Dickie Hey Dickie You've been and gone and won the Labour gig You think you're on the left, but I think you're in the shit Have the poisioned chalice and take a swally now Dickie 'Cause when you say you win, it always means you don't You'll say you'll reform, baby, please, you know you won't Every day you'll be living in the void Dickie Oh Dickie, what a pity, you don't understand. You're still letting London lead you by the hand Oh Dickie, it's so shitty, you've joined the band The North British Branch, Dickie Oh what've you done Dickie, run Dickie They'll fuck you up, Dickie
6.
Constitutional, constitutional, constitutional fucking crisis Constitutional, constitutional, constitutional fucking crisis You can stuff your power grab I'd rather drive a rusty Saab Constitutional, constitutional, constitutional fucking crisis
7.
I'm not too bright - my name is Dickie I'm the leader of the Scottish Labour Party I'm all about the workers But the workers don't know what I'm called And as for Scottish powers I don't know what is reserved or devolved They print my message in the Record and Sun I had to tell them I ain't second to none And I go on about equality and I wish I knew what that involved But when it comes to Scottish powers I don't know what is reserved or devolved
8.
9.
Who's the gal when things get rough Sitting on a tank and stuff? You're havin a laugh eh? It's Colonel Gadaftie!
10.
Hi my name is Steve And I'm the beard Of Jeremy Corbyn You might think it weird The fight starts here Or at least tomorrow morning The revolution will not be televised But it will be hirsute I'm holding back the rising fascist tide Just like King Canute Hi my name is Steve And I'm the beard Of Jeremy Corbyn I'm as hard as ice But awful nice I abstain without warning I won't take it lying down I'll take it on the chin I'm grey with just a hint of brown I'm the beard of Jeremy Corbyn I'm hairy, scary and very brave I might need a little trim But like Samson, I won't be shaved Not by the hair on my Jeremy chin the hair on my Jeremy chinny chin chin the hair on my Jeremy chinny chin chin the hair on my Jeremy chinny chin chin Hi my name is Steve And I'm the beard Of Jeremy Corbyn You might think it weird The fight starts here Or at least tomorrow morning
11.
Fratricide 03:39
I believe in fratricide I rest my case, don't cast aside You better believe it I'm Ruth Davidson Take it or leave it, resign to it Fratricide, fratricide Fratricide, fratricide Theresa May is by my side So what I say is irrelevant You better believe it I'm Ruth Davidson Take it or leave it, resign to it Fratricide, fratricide Fratricide, fratricide You tried to tell me it's my fault because I'm rude By letting loose this fratricide on Holyrood I'll take your number I'll write it down What's your address I'll write it down I'll be in touch so don't leave town in a big black car Fratricide, fratricide Fratricide, fratricide Fratricide, fratricide Fratricide, fratricide
12.
Delete, delete, delete - my ears are ringing I tried to be discreet but failed The basket of deplorables are winning Half my tweets are being jailed I think I'm being witty but I shite it My diplomatic skills are Strictly wank I can't help getting over-excited I prefer a buffalo or tank Oh what can you do When you've had a few You feel like Oscar Wilde Oh Ruth, Ruth, Ruth You can't handle the truth You have to appease her Motherfucking Theresa Delete, delete, delete!

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released May 29, 2018

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