Well, hello, my name is Douglas
Douglas Useless
I am the new Scottish Tory boss
The only thing that people know about me
Is that I hate gypsies and I am a referee
Now Aberdeen's gone into lockdown
I'll no see my wee pal
Ross Thomson - he's been cancelled anyhow
We used to be like the north eastern Bros
Oh, I'm hapless, clueless, hopeless, useless, feckless Douglas Ross
Hey!