1. |
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We're having a pizza crust with a topping of dust in the morning
We're having a national cringe and a Netflix binge with beer
We're opening one more can of dull grey spam with a warning
And sinking another crate: sell by date last year
Who needs to go away?
Inside the skys aren't grey
So grab a gin
We're staying in for the summer
I figure the people next door will just ignore my screaming
If maybe I keep it down and use my dressing gown as a gag
I'm watching the passers by as they run and cry in the evening
Remembering absent friends and a stag weekend in Prague
There goes the sun
Isolation - so long
I'm feeling numb
Like a dirty wee country song
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2. |
Raison D'etre
03:13
|
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He isn't gritty, he's Whitty, the CMO of spin
Gentle, but mental and a little menacing
They asked him to tone down his sadness, he said, Hey!
You've taken my only raison d'etre away
He stands at his podium with unerring unease
He stares quite intensely and says Next slide please
What would he think if he'd nothing to say
You've taken my only raison d'etre away
Befriending dull ministers
Chief Medical Officer
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3. |
Grim Reality
02:05
|
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What we having for tea?
We're having pasta
What is on TV?
Sarah Lancaster
It's far too slow for me
Make it go faster
Grim reality
What a disaster
Popping to the shops
For non essentials
Pulled up by the cops
This shows potential
It's not like on TV
Where they are wise guys
Grim reality
Stake out mince pies
Show us your kitchen sink
And gritty dramas
Show us how to think
Through Panaramas
Watch the weakest link
In your pyjamas
Grim reality - the stink
Of straight bananas
What's for dinner Joe?
It's macaroni
What's on radio?
Stuart Maconie
Where you going
With that gun in your hand?
Grim reality
Mum's gone to Poundland
Is this all you want?
This is all you got...
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4. |
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They can't walk out in public without letting go their hands
Moronic couples shopping together
They commandeer the pavement with their overactive glands
Moronic couples shopping together
They're so in love they can't be prized apart at any cost
Moronic couples shopping together
If they had to walk in single file, they'd be fucking lost
Moronic couples shopping together
Love is blind and also deaf
It's also pretty dumb
It plays a mean pinball out on the streets
Who cares about social distancing
When some cling on to their supple wrists
They're addicted to walking down aisles
Two by two
You're not in a church now
You're at checkout two
Making people feel uncomfortable with what you do
Do the supermarket shuffle, keeping two metres apart
Moronic couples shopping together
You could do it on your own, you won't break the other's heart
Moronic couples shopping together
Say it with flour
Make your bread sour
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5. |
Climbing Up The Walls
02:19
|
|||
Testing, testing, 1,2,3
Lecturn lecturing TV
Lockdown, letdown, PPE
Stay ssafe
Climbing up the walls
This does not sit well with me
Where's your sense of community?
Mass graves in NYC
Climbing up the walls
Bang your pots and cutlery
In the name of charity
Big night in on BBC
Climbing up the walls
Enforced jollity
With millionaire celebrities
A taxing issue
Calling up conspiracy
5K runs, Take 5G
Burning issues
|
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6. |
Introverted Extrovert
03:34
|
|||
I'm an introverted extrovert
There's lots of us about
You can hear us whispering
But you can't hear us shout
I'm all about the rhythm
I'm all about the rhyme
I'll never be forgiven
For committing all these crimes
I'm an introvert in isolation
An interesting combination
I want to run, run, run, run, run, run
An introvert in isolation
I seem to be distracted
But I listen with intent
I might have been redacted
It was the fault of the government
I'm running low on laxatives
I'm running low on fucks to give
From Bethnal Green to Bethlehem
We may as well sing Jerusalem
And did those feet in ancient times
Fit Cinderella's slipper
I heard it through the great lie
You've been done up like a kipper
Run, run, run, run
Run, run, run, run
Run, run, run, run
Run, run, run, run
Pump yer pistons
Keep your distance
You gotta take your futile exercise
Burn your calories, books and eyes
|
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7. |
Half Bam Half Whisky
01:55
|
|||
This is not a love song, it’s more of a rant
About a bloke who applied for a government grant
To try to get a crowd to chant
Half Bam Half Whisky
If you like your ambulance crispy
A little bit Leadbelly, a little bit Little Mixy
Here’s a man over sixty
Singing Half Bam Half Whisky
And it goes
Half Bam Half Whisky
Half Bam Half Whisky
Half Bam Half Whisky
Half Bam Half Whisky
Altogether now
Half Bam Half Whisky…
One more time
Half Bam Half Whisky..
|
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8. |
Poor Me
03:10
|
|||
All of this drinking is taking its toll
I remember when I was the life and soul
If this bar was the internet I'd be a troll
I think I've scored the winner when it's just an own goal
Poor me
Poor me
Pour me another
Had a look outside today
Still too many people
I'm not going out till they go away
My will is weak and feeble
The glass recycling is no more
We're on cans and boxes
Now we're wine and beer wild boars
Dancing with the foxes
Pa pa pa
Every hour is happy hour
Vodka twist and cognac
Feel I'm turning Russian now
100 per cent cossack
|
||||
9. |
||||
Kenny came from East Ayrshire
With one overriding desire
To see Half Man Half Biscuit play
And his dream came true one day
He went to see them in Bournemouth
But afterwards he felt really rough
I asked him why he looked so grim
He said he’d stuck his head in a speaker bin
He’s got Half Man Half Biscuit tinnitus
His ears are bigger than Gary Linnekar’s
Which makes it more ridiculous
But he insists it was the Biscuit
Who were the ones who inflicted
His Half Man Half Biscuit tinnitus
The first chord Nigel Blackwell struck
Made Kenny’s ears scream Holy fuck!
His hearing was destroyed that night
And ever since he’s mourned his plight
Now he is an English teacher
With one distinctive feature
He tells kids not to be quiet
But to recite the Trumpton Riots
|
||||
10. |
Neighbourhood Stasi
03:41
|
|||
Neighbourhood Stasi - watch you in the street
Net curtain nazis - scratch and sniff your spreadsheet
They stand outside on Thursday nights and clap the NHS
Every other day they could not care less
Let's give carers badges and call them all heroes
Make pensioners walk around their gardens on tiptoes
They'll glare at you when running, they'll scowl when you smile
To them a wide berth isn't six feet but a country mile
And if you make eye contact, they'll quickly look away
If you're polite, if you say Hi - they don't know what to say
Neighbourhood Stasi - they stare (where?) there through the red mist
Net curtain nazis - add your name to the list
Twitch baby, twitch baby, snitch
Twitch baby, twitch baby, snitch
|
||||
11. |
||||
Here are the clinical
Unpolished facts
For Scottish political anoraks
Outside your bubble
Nobody cares
That you're taking the trouble
To split baw hairs
Oh relax, don't do it, when you want to retweet it
Anoraks, don't do it, when you want Sturgeon
Oh relax, don't do it, when you want to go to it
Anoraks, don't do it, go out and get some sun
Holyrood's burning
With boredom - yikes
The flags are unfurling in Dumbiedykes
All under one banner
All under one pound
The indy nirvana
Going underground
Aye aye aye aye aye
Blog it to me one more time
I'm a lazy sod
Show us yer crazy pod
cast
|
||||
12. |
Radio Sick Music
03:13
|
|||
Just give me some of that Radio Sick Music
Choose, abuse and use it
A bug won't kill us
The buck stops here
We're nationalist, exceptionalist
Cavaliers
I beg your pardon
I write a column for The Guardian
I have opinions that matter
I have bad patter
I lay the bait
Then lie in wait
As long as people are buying
Power knows it's lying
Rollover corona, get Brexit back on the news
Let's pretend we rule the waves
Let's cower in the shadows in our caves
Let's pretend they're castles and we are knaves
Let's dig for victory and dig our graves
Rollover corona
Just give me some of that Radio Sick Music
Choose, abuse and use it
A bug won't kill us
The buck stops here
We're nationalist, exceptionalist
Cavaliers
All hail the world war two fetishists
We survived the hun, we survived the blitz
We'll meet again, we happy few delusionists
Listening to Echo and his bunnymen
Echo and the Bunnymen
Prefab Sprout
Echo and the Bunnymen
Prefab Sprout
Echo Sprout
Bunny Sprout
Echo and the Bunnymen
Prefab Sprout
Just give me some of that Radio Sick Music
Choose, abuse and use it
A bug won't kill us
The buck stops here
We're nationalist, exceptionalist
Cavaliers
Rollover corona...
|
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