1. |
Davey I Love You
03:35
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Davey I Love You
I'm Alex Cole Hamilton
I find it so insulting
That my pal Davey's been abused
He's got a beard and glasses
The SNP think that is
A reason to be really rude
If you diss him, I will feel it
Diss him, I will feel it
Diss him and I will scweam and say
Davey, I love you
Davey, I love you
Davey I love - I love only you
I embody sychophancy
You're Sid and I am Nancy
It's really easy to explain
My one emotion is smarmy
I want to join the smug journalist army
I love to hear you call my name
Oh tell me that you feel it
Tell me that you feel it
Tell me that you feel the same
chorus
Oh Mr Torrance, our saviour
You're like a Scottish Lawrence of Arabia
Striding through the political desert with Ruth
Atop your fearless camel of truth
Dishing out polemical bon mots
Hounded like Marilyn Monroe
You're hard hipster jive, Little Mix
Like a sexy weetabix
Your book on Salmond's pure James Joyce
If prose were a car,
If prose were a car,
you'd be a Rolls Royce
Your analysis of Mr President
Should be on gorilla TV
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2. |
You're So Vain
03:21
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You're So Vain
You walked into the Whitehouse
Like you were walking onto a yacht
In your forty-five dollar baseball cap
Your complexion was apricot
You had one eye on the mirror
And the West Wing staff were distraught
And Goldman Sachs dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and
You're so vain
You probably think this storm is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this storm is about you
Don't you?
Don't you?
Oh it started several years ago
And you were so naive
You and Vladimir made such a pretty pair
What a tangled web you weave.
So you gave away the USA
Just for some flattery
Then there were tweets, they were filled with covfefe
Filled with covfefe and
You're so vain
You probably think this storm is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this storm is about you
Don't you?
Don't you?
You think hurricanes are a competition
So your storm naturally won.
And you stared straight into the blinding light
During a total eclipse of the sun
You think rules just don't apply to you
And your allure is second to none
Which is why you're still grabbing some pussy
Grabbing some pussy. and
You're so vain
You probably think this storm is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this storm is about you
Don't you?
Don't you?
Don't you?
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3. |
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Give a man a fishing rod and he can fish
Give the Scottish Labour Party one wee wish
That their emails were worth seeing
Without the subject being
Coment on the latest Jackie Baillie pish
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4. |
Neil Oliver
01:40
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NEIL OLIVER
Neil Oliver, Oliver
He's a historian and plonker
I think we can all concur
He's definitely a bit of a tosser
Wavy locks and air of superiority
Wafting shite and hated by the vast majority
Oliver, Oliver
Unionist ambassador
Such is the calibre of Neil Oliver
National Trust, if you must have a figurehead then just
Not this clown - capiche?
Why not get Cameron McNeish
He knows Scotland all over - he has been everywhere
Whereas Neil thinks we should remain in the yoke of the monarchy
Oliver, Oliver
I really don't care for his views, or his hair
Thinks we are better together
Neil Oliver
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5. |
Nick Robinson
03:00
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NICK ROBINSON
(words by @Tucker5law)
And here's to you, Mr Robinson
Kuensberg loves you more than you will know, wo wo wo
God bless you please, Mr Robinson
Newsnight likes to stay above the fray? hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files
Like the fact that you were a young Tory
Look around the news team at the sympathetic eyes
Stride through Broadcasting House, I’m sure you feel at home
And here's to you, Mr Robinson
Paxman loves you more than you will know, wo wo wo
God bless you please, Mr Robinson
The knighthood must quite soon be on its way, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Slide it in a short aside that no one ever checks
Sneak it in the close before the handshake
It's a little bias, just the Robinsons' affair
Most of all, you've got to keep it off youTube
Coo coo ca-choo, Mr Robinson
Jo Coburn loves you more than you will know, wo wo wo
What’s that you say, Mr Robinson
You’ll join the BBC Trust one fine day hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday morning show
Going to the candidates' debates
Laugh about it, shout about it
When we’ve got to choose
Every way WE look at it WE lose
When will you go, Mr Robinson?
A nation turns its open eyes from you, wo wo wo
What's that you say, Mr Robinson
Salmond “didn’t answer”?
So YOU say, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
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6. |
Ophelia
01:03
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Ophelia
Ophelia, you're breaking the sky
You're making John Redwood more scary
Oh, Ophelia, you made the sun red
Wood John be more dead than alive if he tried
The weather bods are getting uptight
Remember Storm Doris - that was shite
But we can aw brag
We survived Hurricane Bawbag
Ophelia, you're just a wee puff
We've aw had enough - geez a break now
Oh, Ophelia, I'm no on ma knees
I'm begging you please that'll dae - that'll dae
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7. |
Dickie
01:16
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Dickie
Oh Dickie Leonard won
What the hell have you done, hey Dickie, hey Dickie
Oh Dickie, all the best
Hope you've got a bullet-proof vest, hey Dickie, hey Dickie
Oh Dickie let's get rad, don't just say SNP Bad
Hey Dickie, Hey Dickie
Hey Dickie
You've been and gone and won the Labour gig
You think you're on the left, but I think you're in the shit
Have the poisioned chalice and take a swally now Dickie
'Cause when you say you win, it always means you don't
You'll say you'll reform, baby, please, you know you won't
Every day you'll be living in the void Dickie
Oh Dickie, what a pity, you don't understand.
You're still letting London lead you by the hand
Oh Dickie, it's so shitty, you've joined the band
The North British Branch, Dickie
Oh what've you done Dickie, run Dickie
They'll fuck you up, Dickie
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8. |
Bigmouth Tweets Again
01:35
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Bigmouth Tweets Again
Donald, Donald I wasnae joking
When I said I'd like to
Rub a balloon on your head
Donald, Donald I wasnae joking
You are scum, by rights we should
Cut off your tiny thumbs
And now I know how Kim Jong Un felt
Now I know how Kim Jong Un felt
As the rockets fly in an Asian sky
And the Sea of Japan started to melt
Bigmouth, bigmouth
Bigmouth tweets again
And you've got no right to take your place
With the human race
And now I know how Kim Jong Un felt
Now I know how Kim Jong Un felt
As the rockets fly in an Asian sky
And the Sea of Japan started to melt
Bigmouth, bigmouth
Bigmouth tweets again
And you've got no right to take your place
With the human race
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9. |
Priti - Fey Cunt
02:08
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PRITI - FEY CUNT
There's no point in basking
On the Golan Heights
Or sunbathing while wearing tights
Oh fancy bumping into you
Benjamin
Netanyahu
Priti Patel
Situation
Vacant
Priti Patel
Situation
Vacant
Don't ask us to fund
The Israeli army
Just don't Patel, it's not pretty
You believe your own delusions to further your career
You can stuff your cheap comments
And move to North Korea
You're all alike!
Priti Patel
Situation
Vacant
Priti Patel
Situation
Vacant
Oh what a pity
Priti, Priti
And now
You don't care
Priti, Priti - fey cunt
Priti, Priti - fey cunt
Priti, Priti - fey cunt
Priti, Priti - fey cunt
We don't care
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10. |
Free Fallon
01:31
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Free Fallon
He's a bad boy, loves his mummy
Loves Theresa and Brexit too
He's a bad boy, who's got no defence now
Free falling below his own high standards oooh
And it's a long day lyin' in Westminster
There's a way out falling on his pork sword
He's a bad boy, and it's more than a knee touch
He's a bad boy who just got caught
Michael
F-f-f Fallon
Michael
F-f-f Fallon
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11. |
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SOLID GOLD EASY REDACTION
Anas Sarwar never learns
Now he's fucked up his tax returns
He thought he'd covered up his tracks and
Buggered up his own redaction, baby
He posted everything on line
And couldn't take them down in time
Your bank account and home address,son
you've buggered up your own redaction, baby
I thought I was shrewd, but now I'm screwed
And all I want is redaction
I thought I was shrewed, but now I'm screwed
And all I want is redaction
I thought I was shrewd, but now I'm screwed
And all I want is redaction, baby
But all his shares have been relinquished
And now his kids can all just get pished
He thought he'd covered up his tracks and
Buggered up his own redaction, baby
What's the chance of a living wage
If you can't even felt tip a page?
He thought he'd covered up his tracks and
Buggered up his own redaction, baby
I thought I was shrewd, but now I'm screwed
And all I want is redaction
I thought I was shrewd, but now I'm screwed
And all I want is redaction
I thought I was shrewd, but now I'm screwed
And all I want is redaction, baby
Hey hey hey
Stroll on
Hey hey hey
Mow the lawn
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12. |
Guns In A Classroom
01:53
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Guns In A Classroom
You may find yourself wielding a shotgun mop
If you find yourself in a school where the jannie's armed
You may find yourself behind a dinner lady with a semi-automatic
You may find yourself in a beautiful class with a beautiful rifle
You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?
Letting the NRA, keep dictating the gun laws
Letting the NRA, keep donating to the boss
Into the black again, then when the money's gone
Guns in a classroom, bullets flowing all around
You may ask yourself, how do I work this?
You may ask yourself, why've I got this large semi-automatic?
You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful class
You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful rifle
Letting the NRA, keep dictating the gun laws
Letting the NRA, keep donating to the boss
Into the black again, then when the money's gone
Loading the magazine, bullets flowing all around
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was,
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was,
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was,
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
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13. |
Dystopia
00:46
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Dystopia
M.A.D.M.A.X
K.F.C in distress
B.R.E.X.I.T
David D says it's best
Dystopia what a mess
Dystopia, Dystopia, Dystopia, Dystopia
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14. |
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Another Dick In The Cooncil
The leader of Inverclyde Council
He is called Stephen McCabe
SNP councillor Chris McEleny called him a dick the other day
Hey! Stephen don't be a dick alone
All in all he's just another dick in the cooncil
All in all he's just another dick in the cooncil
Well Stephen took offence at Christoph
And asked him to apologise
But Chris said naw, you're totally a dickhead
Then Stephen said Haw well I suppose you're right
Hey! Stephen, your turn to apologise
All in all he's just another dick in the cooncil
All in all he's just another dick in the cooncil
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15. |
Gammon In Disguise
02:02
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Gammon In Disguise
I'm a man in my gammon prime
You'll find me in the audience of Question Time
I could be wearing a wig like a spy
With my hand up as a gammon in disguise
With my hand up as a gammon in disguise
Mad fer Brexit and swivel-eyed
When I die and they lay me to rest
David Dimbleby will say I was the best
Prepare a question
Give it all you've got
Gotta have a friend in Dimblebot
But pretend you're not a bald guy
And sneak in as a punter who's a gammon in disguise
I'm highly recommended, I'm the gammon in disguise
You'll recognise me - I ate all the pies
People say give it a rest
But it is my life's quest...ion time
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16. |
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Cheddar Man Vs Ketamine Kate
So we're all black, well fancy that
I imagine Britain First are having a heart attack
Who Do You Think You Are?
Is on TV and tonight you'll see when
Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate (Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate)
Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate (Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate)
Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate (Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate)
Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate
The Daily Mail say we should be pale
It can't be right cos our bones are white
It must be a plot by that left wing lot
Those experts think they know everyfink
They're wrong, it's sad. PC gone mad
It must be a forrin, he don't look like my dad
Next they'll say we're all gay
The suffragettes must be to blame in some way
When Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate (Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate)
Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate (Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate)
Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate (Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate)
Cheddar Man meets Ketamine Kate
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17. |
Baroness 4 Life
01:45
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BARONESS 4 LIFE
Tories gave me power
But I still sell shit on QVC
What price now for a shallow piece of dignity
I see Stewart Mcdonald
Tweeted to my lovely face
But I wear the pants
And ermine bras every day
Knickerbocker glory
Deliciously tory
You're an SNP moron
A few more months and then you're gone
But I'm designed for life
I'm designed for life
I'm designed for life
Baroness 4 life
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18. |
Flegs
01:43
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Flegs
They've got flegs, they know how to use them
The absolute dregs of this blessed union
They're wavin' flegs like pathetic children
Who can trust a media that interbreeds like eejits
Bless the meeja, bless the meeja
Yeah, it's all shite, oh yeah
They think they're the Head, they're not even the janny
Oh what a bunch of absolute fannies
When they're typin', they froth at the mouth
Sticking their tongues out to think, to think before they shout
Check your standards, raise them high
Then just lie
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19. |
Girther
01:36
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GIRTHER
Now there's a doctor - the best in the land
His name is Ronny Jackson
He says I have incredible genes
It's true - they make me look real slim
I'm in great shape, svelte, not round
And only 239lbs
I'm bigger than Obama,
And stronger than Arnie too
Girther, cowson, girther
Gertcha!
I'm the tallest and I'm really thin
Gertcha!
When that porn star said I couldn't get it in
Gertcha!
That was fake news, I'm the greatest shag
Gertcha!
I'm healthier than popeye and twice as mad
Gertcha!
Girther, cowson, gertcha!
Bar stool preaching
That's the name of my game!
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20. |
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I Just Don't Know What To Do With My Cock
I just don't know what to do with my cock
I don't know what to do with my cock
Jesus Christ give me a clue
I have tried following you
And the Pet Shop Boys too
I just don't know what to do with my cock
I don't know what to do with my cock
The Bible isn't very clear
Is it down to Luke I fear
Matthew, Mark or John?
What do I do with my dong?
I need to know when
To be a Lib Dem
Politics and faith
I cannae do baith
I just don't know what to do with my cock
I don't know what to do with my cock
I don't know if it's a sin
To put out or to give in
God, give us a clue
I just don't know what to do
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21. |
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TOBY YOUNG, OH WHAT A TWAT
Toby Young, oh what a twat
But he's got a caustic wit
Toby Young, oh what a twat
Deleting all his tweets about tits
How To Lose Friends - a speciality
A pal of Boris but Who Is The Daddy?
Yeah he's bald, fifty and fat
That's a fact
Toby Young, oh what a twat
We know he's smug, he thinks he's Keats
Toby Young, oh what a twat
Deleted 50,000 tweets
The kind of guy who reviews his lunch
The kind of face that you'd love to punch
Bald, fifty and fat
That's a fact
Toby Young, oh what a twat,
In charge of universities
Toby Young, oh what a twat,
On a board with chimpanzees
Handing over education funds
To all his Spectator chums
The old boy network's still in charge
Just ask Mogg, just ask Farage
He's such a twat
He's such a twat
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